Long Sleeves in 90 Degrees

I probably would have let him beat me forever, I loved him that much. It got to a point where I thought I craved the violence, but really what I craved was the affection and adoration he would pour upon me after he had beaten me into immobile submission. The feeling that something was wrong…

I went to a strip club

Such a great story just a jesus follower A while back I was asked by a group of pastor’s wives to go with them to strip clubs. That sentence alone sounds strange. But hang with me. At first I was a little hesitant. And not for reasons you might think. I love people. Especially ones…

How To Quit Meth Cold Turkey Without Professional Help

“….But HOW did you do it?” I only talked to a doctor about quitting meth one time. It was about a month into my sobriety and around a week after my kids were taken. My mom thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown and paid for me to go see her doctor. The…

Trading One Horrible Addiction For Another

Stockholm syndrome can be seen as a form of traumatic bonding, which does not necessarily require a hostage scenario, but which describes “strong emotional ties that develop between two persons where one person intermittently harasses, beats, threatens, abuses, or intimidates the other.”One commonly used hypothesis to explain the effect of Stockholm syndrome is based on…

15 Things To Do Instead of Your Drugs

Today, let’s not focus on the sweet deception of perfection that is doing meth. Let us instead focus on not doing it since that is ultimately the goal here, right? 15 Things To Do Instead of Crystal Meth (or whatever your drug of choice is) Disclaimer: I am not a doctor. This list is very…

April 7, 2014

Today is a day like any other. But for me, it’s not. Two years ago today I decided to stop using meth. I had made this decision many times before, of course, but never had made it longer than 12 days clean. Now I’m at 731 days clean (including leap day). It’s funny how sometimes…

“How Do I Deal With My Drug Addict Husband?”

On Quora yesterday, this question was presented: “How do I deal with my drug addict husband?” Many people had already responded with a variety of answers ranging from rehab to divorce. I want to start by saying that in my opinion, none of these answers are wrong. Just different ways people think they would deal…

Willpower

Today I would love to smoke some ice. I can imagine coating the bowl and watching it turn from a solid to a liquid to a gas for me to suck up.  The craving I feel is carnal, almost sexual. The smoke is like a lover that holds me, caresses the most vulnerable parts of…

Coke & Ice (A Love Story)

“Before, I’d be doing so much coke that every time I got out of the car, the crevice in the seat would just be full of white. I’d stick a straw down in there, and just go to town.” This is the comment my boyfriend makes to me as we’re cleaning out his car the…