Today is a day like any other. But for me, it’s not.
Two years ago today I decided to stop using meth. I had made this decision many times before, of course, but never had made it longer than 12 days clean. Now I’m at 731 days clean (including leap day).
It’s funny how sometimes we still expect that the world revolves around us like we thought when we were children. I wanted today to be special. A party, a vacation, a nice dinner, anything. I wanted my mother to call me and tell me how proud of me she was. I wanted my boyfriend to finally ask me to marry him. Ha!
It’s not that no one cares or they’re not proud of my recovery. It’s just, life went on. I did get clean and got my life back together again. I don’t need help or support any more, in their opinion. I have a life full of love and good family and my recovery from addiction is considered “complete” by them. They don’t realize that it is never complete. My boyfriend is an addict and he is 6 months clean as of yesterday. In his mind, he still needs help with recovery but I have “beaten” it. See, we all think it just revolves around ourselves.
Everyone I know who did meth, still does meth. Anyone I know who never had a problem with drugs, doesn’t understand why this day is more like my birthday than my birthday. Does it sound too Holy Roller if I say I was “born again” on this day?
Today is special. But it’s only special for me. For anyone else, today is a day like any other.