On Quora yesterday, this question was presented:
“How do I deal with my drug addict husband?”
Many people had already responded with a variety of answers ranging from rehab to divorce. I want to start by saying that in my opinion, none of these answers are wrong. Just different ways people think they would deal with that situation. Think being the key word here.
The question resonates with me personally because I know the desperate place a question like that comes from. I know that there isn’t a simple “Make him choose drugs or you” option for us because real life is much more complicated than that. We love our partner and most times, they want to quit drugs as much as we want them to.
My boyfriend and I are recovering meth and coke addicts. Last year he relapsed. I don’t mean relapsed like he did a line behind my back. I mean he full on relapsed, spent our savings and our rent money on coke without my knowledge until we got evicted, started beating me again which he hadn’t done since our meth days, all the shameful, terrible parts that go with addiction.
He went to a rehab for 3 months and has now been home again for 4 months. I love my boyfriend very much and trust he is trying to stay on the wagon but the truth is, I live in terror every day that he is back on the drugs. Is he fooling me? I don’t know how to ever fully trust him again.
And the saddest part is that the emotion I feel most, aside from fear, is jealousy. I’m jealous he broke and got to run around with drugs and feel something again while I sat around sober and working and so tired. He did it behind my back when I thought we did it together. Drugs were our thing. And then quitting drugs was our thing. I felt so alone and left out when he relapsed. I came very close to relapsing too.
The question of how do I deal with my husband who is an addict is rhetorical because it’s not just staying or leaving, it’s also trust. Even if he never does it again, will I always think he is? I have nothing but empathy for anyone facing this question. I still don’t know what is the best way. I hope it’s staying, working through this with him and loving him.
How do I deal with my drug addict husband? Girl, any way you can. And then, please, let me know what works.