“How Do I Deal With My Drug Addict Husband?”

On Quora yesterday, this question was presented:

“How do I deal with my drug addict husband?”

Many people had already responded with a variety of answers ranging from rehab to divorce. I want to start by saying that in my opinion, none of these answers are wrong. Just different ways people think they would deal with that situation. Think being the key word here.

The question resonates with me personally because I know the desperate place a question like that comes from. I know that there isn’t a simple “Make him choose drugs or you” option for us because real life is much more complicated than that. We love our partner and most times, they want to quit drugs as much as we want them to.

My boyfriend and I are recovering meth and coke addicts. Last year he relapsed. I don’t mean relapsed like he did a line behind my back. I mean he full on relapsed, spent our savings and our rent money on coke without my knowledge until we got evicted, started beating me again which he hadn’t done since our meth days,  all the shameful, terrible parts that go with addiction.

He went to a rehab for 3 months and has now been home again for 4 months. I love my boyfriend very much and trust he is trying to stay on the wagon but the truth is, I live in terror every day that he is back on the drugs. Is he fooling me? I don’t know how to ever fully trust him again.

And the saddest part is that the emotion I feel most, aside from fear, is jealousy. I’m jealous he broke and got to run around with drugs and feel something again while I sat around sober and working and so tired. He did it behind my back when I thought we did it together. Drugs were our thing. And then quitting drugs was our thing. I felt so alone and left out when he relapsed. I came very close to relapsing too.

The question of how do I deal with my husband who is an addict is rhetorical because it’s not just staying or leaving, it’s also trust. Even if he never does it again, will I always think he is? I have nothing but empathy for anyone facing this question. I still don’t know what is the best way. I hope it’s staying, working through this with him and loving him.

How do I deal with my drug addict husband? Girl, any way you can. And then, please, let me know what works.

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4 Comments Add yours

  1. You ask an incredibly difficult question. Part of my answer is that my sobriety has to come before anything and anyone else. That’s a tough and hard statement but I’m not going to throw out 16 years of sobriety. If anyone threatens that sobriety, I need to distance myself from that person. Just saying…..
    Moshe

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  2. hellfish43 says:

    I have read some of the blogs you have posted and I would encourage you to continue writing them as the insight you are providing is tremendous. As you may have read from my blogs, I am going through the same thing. Your comments about your boyfriend reverberate through my mind as my wife has said similar things to me. I am the one who is the addict- On the question on how to deal with drug addicted husband? In pro hockey, when a player is not doing well, he sits in the press box to watch the game from up above. It is suppose to give him a different perspective on the game. As far as this question is concerned on how to deal with a drug addicted husband, I will sit in the proverbial press box and hope to learn something myself.

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  3. DREW5000G says:

    the hardest thing is when you and a partner are both addicts, whenever we would try and quit, one or both would wilt and this led to us both back using. the hardest thing I had to do is let her go cos I knew we were destroying each other. I ended up kicking the heroin she met another addict had a kid, had to give it up for adoption, not seen her for years now. we all different, I wish you well, hope you get through

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