Bar Thoughts

Sitting at the bar, thinking about how to get out of this and not relapse at the same time.  He told me he would beat my ass if I didn’t shut up yesterday. I had to shut up so he wouldn’t hit me with my kids home. He’s never don’t anything like that when the…

You don’t have to run faster than the bear…

My work has started to ask me about the bruises again. Though we have been back together for more than 6 months, I just recently told my work that Lucifer and I were trying to work things out. Since the last time I was with Lucifer, I was coming in to work with different bruises…

All She Wants To Do Is RELAPSE

Some days, like this one, all I want to do is relapse. You read that right, I WANT to relapse. If you’re fresh in your recovery, you may want to skip over this particular blog post. If you’ve been in recovery for some time, maybe you can comment with some advice for me right now….

The Opposite of Addiction is Connection

My dad thought I was going through what all young people go through. He had done his experimenting and figured I was just doing mine a little later in life than he did since I had kids so young. He never developed any kind of addiction, so why would I?

The Annual Metamorphosis

It’s something about the Spring, I think. Lucifer only beats me when it’s beautiful outside…

Sad Girls Smoke A Lot 

“Things were perfect now, aside from the fact that I was a functioning drug addict…”

Not An Addict Like Him

Addicts are a closed group. To an addict, no clean person understands what they are going through. And really, they’re right. Except the ones who have been there. So you would think, once you have been included in the closed group of addiction, the membership would be life long. No one could ever tell you,…

Abusive, Addicted, Beautiful Lucifer

“How often are you doing coke?” “Not often. Only like, once or twice a week.” So casual. Nonchalant. I act like it doesn’t phase me. Inside, half of me wants to shake him and scream “What Are You Doing!?!” And half of me wants to ask if he wants to do some with me right…